shine

i've never really been comfortable in my body. in high school, i was too little. i thought that i needed to be bigger so that i could be that guy, that guy who could make girls feel safe just by putting his arm around them. now i'm too big, and i think that if i was smaller i could be that guy who you would feel safe with because i'm too small to hurt you. and i'm sitting still but my skin is crawling around the room, because it doesn't feel comfortable on me. and my soul wasn't meant to be housed in this lackluster casing. my soul is weighed down with two hundred and twenty pounds of oppression and the day that i die will be the day that my soul gets its wings and that will be the day when you see my real smile, instead of this one that makes my face crinkle up like pug dog with poor eyesight. and my nose is too big and my eyes are too small. but damn it, if you could see what's inside of me, it would make you smile too. so i'll smile my crinkly smile for now, because it's the only substitute i have for the real one inside that's so bright it would put any crest commercial to shame. and i think the only reason people don't cringe at my face, is because they see some small piece of that real smile, shining through.