invincibility lost

i dropped my camera tonight. i think it's broken. it's 20 years old, and i dropped it on the pavement, and it's broken. i'll be 20 in three months, give or take a couple of days. hopefully i don't break before then, but at the rate i'm going, i'm not completely sure i'll make it. do you remember when we were invincible? do you remember when nothing could hurt us and death couldn't find us? do you remember running through the streets on a cold rainy night, howling at the sky, daring the world to come and get us? i'm coughing now. kiel's funeral was a few months ago. we didn't go. how could we? how could we see him buried? how could we be reminded of our own mortality? we went to mammoth instead. we drove fast, away from that place that death had found. we drove fast and recklessly and we felt the wind in our hair and we dedicated the trip to him and sang bro-hymn in his memory. and we felt invincible again. but it was only a fleeting moment. and i'm coughing now.