epitaph

your physical beauty is blinding me.

this sleep deprivation is blinding me.

your inner beauty is blinding me.

this nicotine is binding me.

now i'm the one who has to be careful to not forget what happened last time. i have to be oh so careful not to forget the pain, and i have to remember what it feels like to be rejected. i have to remember bleeding in the dark. and my memory is instantly refreshed thinking of her, and the pain is instantly renewed, thinking of her. i won't be your sad boy too. but i've been the sad boy so long, it's all i know how to do. i know i'll be the sad boy until my sad story is transcribed onto a sad piece of rock above a sad piece of dirt in a sad part of this sad world. i'm doing everything i can to harden my heart to you, but the beauty that blinds my eyes, melts my defenses. and i'm lost before i was ever found. we both know its coming and i'm as scared as you. you should probably go now. it's only a matter of time before i start adding liquid courage to liquid sadness, drowning in the mixture. i don't want to pull you down with me. at least this way you can stand on that sad piece of dirt and read the sad words etched into the sad rock and smile when you see, "i loved you enough to spare you from my love."